It takes a thief

In his recent book “It Takes a Family” Rick Santorum (Rep, PA) tells America that if they’d just look into their budgets, they’d see that women probably don’t need to work.

"In far too many families with young children, both parents are
working, when, if they really took an honest look at the budget, they
might find they don’t both need to."

Santorum’s kind of honesty is very penetrating indeed; so much so that he can apparently extract money from empty space. Whether it’s something like cold fusion or just slight of hand confusion, I don’t know, but Rick bought his house for $643,361 (now assessed at $757,000) on an income which consists mostly of his his Senate salary, now $162,100. That’s what he tells the IRS anyway. He gets deductions for having 6 kids of course, but while I had a lot of math and science in school, it didn’t include alchemy. I have to suspect an alternate source beyond the occasional check he gets from his retired civil servant parents. In fact, most of the women in his middle class neighborhood work for a living to support their lifestyles.

Not that I’m a cynic when it comes to the veracity of Republicans who claim that there would be no economic hardship if it weren’t for lazy people and Democrats, but an examination of his magic budget by The American Prospect shows that a Political Action Committee has something to do with it, paying his bills at Target, Wal-Mart, the supermarket, fast food joints and Starbucks. I recommend that all struggling families stop being lazy and take advantage of this opportunity.

Families should also look into getting special mortgage treatment from private banks whose officers contribute to their campaigns. We all have campaigns, don’t we? So call up the Philadelphia Trust Company, who holds Rick’s $500,000 mortgage and who claims to lend only to affluent people whose portfolios they manage and ask for the Santorum package. Don’t have half a million in their bank? Well, if you live in the State of Pennsylvania which has managed half a Billion in State funds maybe they will give you a break too.

There is so much more to the story than I can print here, but Santorum is living off the fat of the land: special favors from institutions that do business with the state and the proceeds of malpractice suits far in excess of the cap he tells us he’d like to put on such things. Remember him when you put pencil to paper and pen to checkbook next month. Remember the party that wants to make him an “Ethics Czar.”